When Opinions Expressed Are Not Your Own

By Wendy Thomas Russell | November 4, 2013 | 2 comments

Opinionated GuyFor many of us, strong opinions are like pheromones.

They attract us. They lure us in. People who believe what they believe with passion, and who aren’t afraid to state their truth — these people hold certain powers. The power to make us laugh. The power to make us think. The power to move us to share our own opinions.

Of course, we’re not going to agree with all these opinions — or even find them valid! (Even Einstein expressed some bullshit opinions now and again.) We may even be offended and put off by certain assertions.

But the point remains: There is an underlying attraction that many of us feel to people who possess the courage of their convictions — perhaps because so many others lack it. I find this is particularly true in my relationships with women. It’s incredibly hard for me to connect with passive women who soak up what others say and offer little of their own, who look to please others rather than challenge themselves. But when I meet a woman with a strong, clear voice and the willingness to share it, I’m very likely to want to take that woman out for dram of Pappy Van Winkle’s.

Of course, there are caveats. (Pappy’s is too expensive for their not to be caveats.) Certain things will flat-out “ruin the mood.” Hate and bigotry are two of them; aggression, ridicule and ill-humor are three more. Also, in my opinion, in order for a loud, proud assertion to hold any “pheromonic” power at all,  it must truly belong to the opinionated. If someone is simply regurgitating what they heard, without thinking critically about it, it doesn’t count. That’s just gullibility masquerading as opinion. And, forgive me, but gullibility never got anyone laid. (Not well anyway.)

So where do religious opinions fall in all this? Are strong expressions of of religious views an automatic turnoff for an”unaffiliated” type, such as myself?

Not at all. Most of us are open-minded enough (in the real world, not the one that exists online) to move right past opinions we don’t care for and focus on other things.

But it is complicated. Not because of the nature of the opinions, but because so many really wonderful, kind, compassionate, generous and strong people believe in their religion because they were told to believe in their religion. They were raised to believe it. They were never given a chance not to believe it.

And when a person has been indoctrinated to hold a certain opinion, is it really their opinion at all?

I really am attracted to people with strong viewpoints on a whole matter of subjects — including religion. I just wish I could be sure the beliefs and opinions of the religious were truly theirs to share.


2 comments

  1. Jamie says:

    I agree completely. I love to read and listen to opinions that differ with mine — as long as they are delivered with at least a smidge of respect. And as for your point about religion, I find it frustrating to see women (esp. in certain denominations in the South) who feel like they have to fit into some stereotype and do not challenge men in the church that have so-called “authority” over them. Lastly, you are spot on. To have a real faith — whatever faith — it has to be yours. One you have pondered. Doubted and ultimately found as real. Then and only then is it truly yours. Too bad we are on opposite sides of the country. I’d love to buy you a beer.

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