4 Reasons I Love Being ‘Out’ as Nonreligious

By Wendy Thomas Russell | July 1, 2013 | 6 comments

ODD_Atheist_Billboard_Church_022da

I have no firm opinion, really, on whether people ought to “come out” as nonreligious. To me, religion doesn’t matter very much — aside from, you know, it being a constant focus of my life right now — so whether people choose to talk about it openly or not isn’t a concern of mine. Sure, there are reasons to do it. There are reasons not to, as well. Everyone has a million different factors — not the least of which is their geographic location — to consider before making that call for themselves.

Not believing in God is not like being a gay, lesbian or transgender. Sharing your “status” with others is not required to live a normal, healthy life. Unless you choose to be an activist, you probably don’t adopt behaviors that make you stand out as a None. You don’t necessarily know or want to know where your friends fall on the religious spectrum. And even if you do, you may just prefer to remain silent — keeping your ambivalence, uncertainty or lack of belief to yourselves.

Fine, I say. Who cares?

Having said that, for me personally, being “out” has been wonderful. Here’s why.

1. I enjoy shattering people’s assumptions. I don’t fit the media’s stereotype of non-believer — who does, right? — so it’s nice to be able to spread the “good word” that atheists, agnostics and other Nones are just as likely as the next guy to be engaging people, good parents and involved community members. I particularly enjoy slipping my atheism into conversation with religious people who already know and like me; it forces them to confront their own stereotypes. Always a good thing.

2. I like religious people more now. When you’re closeted, it’s way too easy to sit back and become preemptively resentful. We might feel pissed that others are “free” to share their views while we must keep ours to ourselves. We might assume that people’s reactions would be negative if ever we were to out ourselves. But when you’re out — and when you’re truly nice about it — the reactions from religious people are far more positive than negative. People may be curious. They may be confused. They may quietly disapprove. But, in my experience, religious people have been, outwardly, quite lovely about my lack of belief. (As lovely, incidentally, as I am about their belief.) They don’t insult me or shy away from me. They don’t avoid the subject (well, some do, and that’s okay!) or make snide comments. They don’t try to change me. And with every positive experience I have, I am more open and less judgmental of “religious people” as a whole.  I find that the more “out” I am, the better I feel about the people around me.

3. I’m setting an example for my child. Not believing in God is nothing to be ashamed of, but being open about our disbelief does — I believe — require a bit of finesse. We ought not just blurt it out it anger. We ought not invoke it as a weapon. We ought not talk about it excessively, just because we “can.” I don’t want my child to ever feel ashamed to share her beliefs with others — whatever those beliefs — but I also want to be a good role model for how to go about it without being a dick.

4. I’m opening the door for others. You wouldn’t believe how many people in our day-to-day consider themselves nonreligious; and the look of relief on their faces when they learn you aren’t religious can be priceless. It’s like the floodgates open. There’s this whole, rather fascinating aspect of your life — and theirs — that can be tapped for great conversation. By being open myself first, I’m showing others that it’s okay to make the first move. In fact, it can make friendships — and maybe life — even better.


6 comments

  1. Well, you know that *I* love this one!
    As a very out and open atheist, I enjoy being a person people can look at and say, “You don’t LOOK like an atheist!”

    LOL
    Peace, Karen

  2. Maryellen says:

    Hey Wendy! As a Mom leading her atheist family ssslooowlyyy out of the closet, I really appreciated this post. I recently found your blog and have been enjoying it so much. THANK YOU for your strength, insight and humor. First my personal life then hopefully I can be “out” in my professional life. (Stand up)
    Looking forward to your next million posts!
    Maryellen Hooper

    • This is the best! Thank you, Maryellen! Whenever a professional stand-up comic thanks you for your humor, you KNOW you’re doing something right. I’ve bookmarked your blog, too. So glad to connect.

  3. Craig says:

    Great list. It still seems that being a non-believer is more reviled in this country than just about anything else. Only when the religious realize that we are all around them and that it doesn’t result in anarchy might they begin to accept us for who we are.

Leave a Reply



Due out in March 2015, Relax, It's Just God: How and Why to Talk to Your Kids About Religion When You're Not Religious offers a well-researched look at a timely subject: secular parenting. With chapters on avoiding indoctrination, talking about death, vaccinating kids against intolerance, dealing with religious baggage, and getting along with religious relatives, the book offers a refreshingly compassionate approach to raising religiously literate, highly tolerant and critically thinking children capable of making up their own minds about what to believe. The book may be pre-ordered by visiting Brown Paper Press.
 

      Natural Wonderers is a new blog hosted by Wendy Thomas Russell and published by the Patheos faith network. An extension of Russell's previous blog — Relax, It's Just God — Natural Wonderers offers stories and advice on raising curious, compassionate children in secular families.
                        Become a Subscriber!
                                Stay Connected